It absolutely can get better. 

The version of me eleven years ago, who lived with crippling postpartum depression, would’ve rolled her tired eyes at that statement and went right on self-loathing.

What I didn’t know back then was that postpartum depression will lie to you. It will fill your head with thoughts of inadequacy, worst-case scenarios, and hopelessness.  

In the darkest depths of my postpartum experience, I was convinced that my family was better off without me. I was certain that I was the problem. I felt something was so fundamentally wrong with me that I should no longer exist.

And I nearly let those lies win. Thankfully, I reached out to a local new mothers’ group and found the help I needed to move beyond my postpartum depression. 

There was no way for me to know then what I know now. I had to go through the journey entirely to understand truly. Now, nearly a decade past recovery, I have some tips I wish I could share with sad, sleep-deprived, desperate-for-answers me. 

While I can’t change the past, hopefully, I can help inspire some hope in a parent who can’t figure out what they’re doing wrong. (Nothing! The answer is nothing. You’re doing great.)

4 Things I Would Tell My Postpartum Self

1. It’s NOT Your Fault

I swear, if one more well-meaning elder told me to “cherish the moment”, I would’ve earmuffed my toddler’s ears and told them that they could cherish my… Uhhh, did I mention that rage is a common symptom of postpartum depression?

Anyway. With so many people talking about how these are the best moments of your life and so much representation in media of happy moms whose dreams came true in motherhood, it’s easy to place the blame on yourself for not feeling the same. 

Speaking honestly about the prevalence of this disease can help reduce the stigma. 

Postpartum depression is more common than most people think. Studies show that as many as 1 in 7 parents suffer from postpartum depression. 

Knowing you are not the only one experiencing this can help you understand that depression is not your fault. The Office on Women’s Health offers a wealth of information and resources to help new parents navigate this difficult time. 

Try to remember to give yourself some grace. You made a human. That’s pretty amazing. 

2. You are Not Alone

I know doing anything but the bare minimum can feel impossible right now, but you don’t have to suffer in silence. There are millions of parents out there who are going through (and have recovered from) postpartum depression. Seek them out.

Search and internet and social media for support groups or pages. If you find a local group, going to a meeting can feel uplifting. If that’s not possible, finding community in online groups can be just as helpful (especially when you need to feel connected in the middle of the night).

The website PostpartumDepression.org offers an amazing resource page on how to find a postpartum support group. Check out the Postpartum Health Alliance for an updated directory of virtual support groups helping all sorts of parenting struggles.

3. Therapy Works

I thought wanting to get better would be enough to get me through. I put all my focus on self-improvement for the sake of my family. If I could read enough articles on mindfulness and parenting, I would surely stumble upon The AnswerⒸ to my problems and fix them all. 

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. There’s no quick fix or magic formula that will make postpartum depression disappear. But, there is evidence that talk therapy can reduce symptoms of postpartum depression. 

I truly believe that cognitive behavioral therapy changed my life for the better. 

There are several resources out there to help you find the right therapist. The process can be overwhelming, especially when you’re struggling mentally and taking care of an infant. Start with free resources like calling a local warm line to talk and finding local help through organizations like Postpartum Support International. 

4. It’s OK to Take Meds 

My favorite metaphor for mental health medication comes from a stand-up comedy routine from one of my favorite female comics. Hearing Taylor Tomlinson equate taking prescription meds to wearing arm floaties helped me release my worries about being judged.

I’d make a laughter-best-medicine pun, but you’re already going through enough. 

Knowing the facts about antidepressants, and understanding the risks and benefits can help as well. Also, try talking to people who have taken or are currently taking mental health medications to learn from their experiences.  

There is So Much More Beyond This Mess

I can tell you about giggle fits with my two girls, ages 9 and 11. I can tell you about family movie nights and bedtime snuggles. So many incredible moments I would have missed, had I given up due to postpartum depression. 

Create a list of all the activities you plan to enjoy with your children. It can be as small as playing in the park this weekend. Look back at it when you’re knee-deep in diapers and feeling a lot like their contents. 

Postpartum depression can feel impossible to beat. I’m here to tell you it’s not. 

You are capable of getting help and you deserve to feel better. 

You are infinitely stronger than your struggles.